Adoption Q&A...and a rant.

First, thank you to everyone for your thoughtful and supportive comments on my reunion post. I have been really pleased with the responses I have received in regards to my search, and I want to thank everyone for taking the time to read such a long story!

I received two questions that I thought I would address here:

Maddi was curious about the search process and how I went about finding my birth mom.

• To condense a very long story, I first asked my parents for copies of my adoption files. From there, I figured out which US agency had facilitated my adoption, and I contacted the woman in charge of Post Adoption Searches. It is standard for most agencies to charge a search fee when one submits a request to initiate the process. I paid about $125 for "one year" of searching, though I'm not ultimately sure what that money covered. As far as I can tell, the social worker involved in searches at my US agency was completely overworked and overextended. I ended up dealing directly with Holt, the Korean agency working in tandem with my US agency, because Mrs. Lee was actually responsive and able to get things done.

• I'm fortunate in that Omma/my birth mom had left her Korean identification number when she relinquished me to Holt, so they were able to locate her fairly easily. Other adoptees are not so lucky; they are left on subways or abandoned in front of police stations. If any Korean adoptees are thinking about starting their search, I would encourage you to read GOA'L's step-by-step guidelines because they are very informative and helpful.

Elizabeth asked "I was also wondering if your adoptive parents wanted to go to Korea with you and also if your Omma asked about your adoptive parents?"

• In one of her e-mails, Omma said she was grateful towards my parents for doing such a good job raising me. She also asked about them during the meeting when they came up in pictures in the album I gave her.
  

• My adoptive parents did not display marked interest in joining me in Korea because they respected my independence in this search. They have been nothing but supportive and have let me "call the shots" as to how much information I share with them. Because they are good, self-assured people, they have never once felt threatened by my search.
  

On a related note, one thing that that I want to address is the attitude that I am in some way ungrateful towards my [adoptive] parents for undergoing this process. A few people have insinuated that I should feel lucky that my parents are not upset or threatened by my search.

While I recognize that not all adoptive parents are open to the idea of birth parent searches, this should not be the norm. I am happy that my [adoptive] parents are so supportive, but I would also expect nothing less of them. Because they are wonderful parents, I know that they embrace the entirety of my adoption and its permanent place in my life. They don't see my search as a threat, but rather as a really great opportunity for a new relationship.

In my opinion, any adoptive parent who feels threatened and hurt by a child's search needs to step back and evaluate his or her priorities. Feelings of insecurity, which are oftentimes unfounded, should not outweigh the positives of curiosity about one's birth country and biological family and the potential for a reunion.

And to lighten up, you're not hardcore unless you live hardcore...which we obviously do: